Yes, it’s true… the nice guy does indeed finish last. I don’t know how many times I hear a friend complaining about how it’s always the ‘bad’ guys who win. How many times have I heard them wonder aloud as to whether there is any justice in the world as they shake their heads in disbelief when they see the ‘bad’ guy with the woman of their dreams.
The fact of the manner is, it’s not that the ‘bad’ guy who wins. While man ‘bad’ guys do end up with a lot of women, it’s typically women who are insecure with themselves and therefor will allow themselves to be in poor relationships… no, the guy who wins, is not the ‘bad’ guy, but it’s the ‘good’ guy which is not to be mistaken with the ‘nice’ guy. A lot of times, the nice guy and the good guy start out in the same place, however unlike the ‘good’ guy, the ‘nice’ guy has allowed niceness to travel down the slippery slope into being a completely spineless person with zero personality!
You see, the nice guy attracts no one and is sometimes mistaken as a good guy but he is neither the good guy or the bad guy. He’s simply a mask worn by either one. When men wear this mask they become bland and forgettable. The nice guy is a mask that people put on when they begin to feel scared and insecure. The nice guy has no confidence, no game, and has completely lost his swagger. Desperation starts to ooze out of the nice guy… and as you may know from the other Dating Advice articles on this site and others, desperation is a game killer as women love a man who is confident.
The nice guys never disagrees with a girl; he’ll never challenge her or poke fun of her. He’ll begin to bend his own reality in accordance with hers in hopes of pleasing her, but really all he is doing is laying the ground work for failure. He’ll jump through every hoop and task given to him by her with out challenging her in return. He won’t cause any controversy at all because he’s so scared of saying or doing anything outside of his comfort zone and in return he’ll be perceived as nervous and lacking in any personality or excitement. Finally, the nice guy will avoid sexual escalation, even when given the right signals due to his extreme lack of confidence. I’ve seen women practically throw themselves at the nice guy and yet still the nice guy will avoid the advances at all cost. The reason is because in the head of the nice guy, all things are going well and he doesn’t want to sabotage his chances for a future relationship, but little does he know that he indeed is killing any last chances he has with this woman.
If there’s one thing to take out of this, please remember the following dating advice: Nice is not about being good; it’s about being bland and forgettable.
You don’t have to be a jerk to win that beautiful lady over, however being a spineless twit that bends at every whim of the woman is not the way to go either. It’s all about going down the path in the middle – being a confident gentlemen who knows how to be nice, but isn’t afraid of a little controversy and excitement along the way.
Some dating tips and advice to make sure you are aware of so that you don’t fall into the nice guy zone:
- Do not agree with everything she says! Have you ever heard of a woman refusing to sleep with a guy simple because they had a difference of opinion in movies or best holiday destination? I think not… remember, opposites attract, and it’s okay to have a difference of thought, especially on minor things.
- Be aware of when she’s starting to make you jump through hoops. When this is happening, turn the tables around a bit, and have her do some things in return. I mean do you really want to be with someone who is going to constantly boss you around and make you jump at command?
- Avoid nervous laughter
- Make sure she is laughing with you and not at you. Be aware when she’s laughing at you since ideally you want to be laughing together
- Challenge her! Do not be afraid to challenge her whether it’s in a playful manner or an intellectual one
- Don’t be afraid to poke fun of her and when you do, don’t start apologizing thousands of times after
- Do not avoid sexual escalation.. when the time is right, make sure to act on it